I HATE WHEN PEOPLE SAY "TRUST ME"

Especially when it's regarding something they really have no fucking control over. Like, "Trust me, the Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl in the next five years." What? Why? Who are you? Do you have some sort of knowledge of the future? Why should someone "trust" that your prediction is going to be accurate? Are you that self assured and confident that we should all abandon our own opinions in favour of your clearly superior one? The phrase itself is just annoying. Well, I was going to stick to my guns on this one, but then you told me I should trust you... so fuck it, whatever you say.

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Trust Me: A Play in One Act

Douchebag: You should take this hacksaw and hack off your foot.

Kevin: No, I really don't think that would be a good idea, I kind of like my foot.

Douchebag: Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. You should do it.

Kevin:

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My boss says "Trust me" constantly, almost every single time he offers an opinion, especially regarding politics. The worst part is that his opinions are all about half a century old. I draw my news and current events information from multiple print and online sources, hold two higher education degrees, and have long been able to have my own fucking opinion regardless... but wait, what is this you say? All democrats are bad, and I should trust you on this information? BAM MADE UP MY FUCKING MIND RIGHT THERE, thank god I didn't have to think for myself on that one. ::Wipes sweat off brow, turns on Glenn Beck::

Why would one need to assert that someone else should trust him or her, anyway? It's like when I'd ask my mother why I have to do something, and she'd say "Because I said so". It's circular logic. Your argument simply doesn't make sense, hence why you need to tell me to just forget it all and trust you on the matter. The fact that you're even commanding me to trust you is grounds enough for me to distrust you. As a matter of fact, I think that from now on, whenever someone tells me to trust him or her, I'm going to automatically do or think exactly the opposite of what her or she says. No more of this bullshit! I will eliminate this phrase from the vernacular of the times, or I will - literally - die trying. Trust me.